Alone Again But Naturally (REPOST)
I am letting my creative juices flow today. I woke up at 7 am this morning. And for two nights now, i always manage to sleep at night with the lights on. I really need to remind myself to conserve energy. But then again, i do not know if that has become a psychological thing due to some recent happenings that i do not want to find myself alone in the dark again. Oh well, add the fact that my sister has decided to work graveyard so its usual that every night i will find myself all by my lonesome.Darkness does not bother me though. It is just that i plunge into sheer loneliness whenever it gets dark. Maybe because in the darkness, everything bad...all memories i just wish to forget would actually tend to make a flashback in a snap.
I planned to visit national library for some research regarding social realism in philippine arts. I hurriedly prepared. Brought with me a notebook, a sketch pad (hmmm), my oil pastels, (see at the back of my mind, i know that i am not gonna do a full research...hahaha!)I left Unit 118 at 12. Dropped by a fastfood chain for lunch, my favorite tofu and rice upon reaching UN avenue. I had to while away time a bit because of a sudden drizzle. Good thing it was a short one. And then i proceeded to the National Library The guard intercepted me while on my way to the entrance. In short, i was not able to enter because they require a readers card and before i get one, i need to have a 1x1 id pic first. Since i do not want to experience all the hassle, i decided to not just go. Left the place since i have thought of an alternative...the Cultural Center of the Philippines Library. Oh must be an unlucky day... when i reached CCP, the guard at the information desk told me, the library was closed because today is Pasay Day! Oh well, i do not want to ruin my day. I told myself assuringly, today is gonna be a good one! I looked around for some place to sit. Walked a little. Jollibee...No! Too crowded. Voila! there i saw Starbucks! Along the sea wall...where the yachts are docked. I ordered my favorite hot cafe americano, sprinkled some brown sugar and then looked for a spare table outside. And now here i am, spilling my thoughts. This is my world. And i am loving my own little world. Earphones already plugged in. Listening to some cool sounds while my right hand is busy holding the pen writing. I just realized how i missed being this person that i am. I feel so alone but I feel the connection between me and the world. This is actually me!( so so me!). These are the things that i want to do. Shut myself out of the world's craziness and monstrosities. Write. Draw. Stare. Appreciate life. I am saddened how getting tied up to a regular job deprived me a lot to be in touch with myself for a long time. How my energy got drained by repetition. And most importantly, how i found myself at a loss with the meaning of being a team player, team building, and how i should work for my team and not for myself. Even if i have some few days left for work, i still was not able to reconcile the differences of the demands of my current job and my own as a person. And with what i have experienced at work, many times i lost myself as a person. But i want the world to know now that the person in me is back. I will not be a slave of the team anymore. I will no longer be a team player but a sole player. Sooner, I will get paid based on my own personal worth, and this time, i am gonna excel!!!
I planned to visit national library for some research regarding social realism in philippine arts. I hurriedly prepared. Brought with me a notebook, a sketch pad (hmmm), my oil pastels, (see at the back of my mind, i know that i am not gonna do a full research...hahaha!)I left Unit 118 at 12. Dropped by a fastfood chain for lunch, my favorite tofu and rice upon reaching UN avenue. I had to while away time a bit because of a sudden drizzle. Good thing it was a short one. And then i proceeded to the National Library The guard intercepted me while on my way to the entrance. In short, i was not able to enter because they require a readers card and before i get one, i need to have a 1x1 id pic first. Since i do not want to experience all the hassle, i decided to not just go. Left the place since i have thought of an alternative...the Cultural Center of the Philippines Library. Oh must be an unlucky day... when i reached CCP, the guard at the information desk told me, the library was closed because today is Pasay Day! Oh well, i do not want to ruin my day. I told myself assuringly, today is gonna be a good one! I looked around for some place to sit. Walked a little. Jollibee...No! Too crowded. Voila! there i saw Starbucks! Along the sea wall...where the yachts are docked. I ordered my favorite hot cafe americano, sprinkled some brown sugar and then looked for a spare table outside. And now here i am, spilling my thoughts. This is my world. And i am loving my own little world. Earphones already plugged in. Listening to some cool sounds while my right hand is busy holding the pen writing. I just realized how i missed being this person that i am. I feel so alone but I feel the connection between me and the world. This is actually me!( so so me!). These are the things that i want to do. Shut myself out of the world's craziness and monstrosities. Write. Draw. Stare. Appreciate life. I am saddened how getting tied up to a regular job deprived me a lot to be in touch with myself for a long time. How my energy got drained by repetition. And most importantly, how i found myself at a loss with the meaning of being a team player, team building, and how i should work for my team and not for myself. Even if i have some few days left for work, i still was not able to reconcile the differences of the demands of my current job and my own as a person. And with what i have experienced at work, many times i lost myself as a person. But i want the world to know now that the person in me is back. I will not be a slave of the team anymore. I will no longer be a team player but a sole player. Sooner, I will get paid based on my own personal worth, and this time, i am gonna excel!!!
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